As a mom I struggle to find wisdom on how to serve outside
the home. God calls us to serve Him in the bible, but so often it feels so
impossible when our little ones demand our physical attention. And as they grow
up their needs continue in different ways, making it almost impossible to ever
feel like it is the ‘right time’.
Sometimes we can push ourselves to serve outside the home
and end up neglecting quality time with our family. And other times we can be
so focused in our family, that we miss out on something very exciting God may
be calling us to serve. I have been in both places: a place of over-commitments,
and the place of staying comfortable and not wanting to get out of my safety zone.
It is SO hard to have wisdom and discernment on how to
serve. And I sometimes I really wish God would clearly lay out a step by step
program of what he wants me to do and at what time. But he hasn’t done that to
date, and I have a feeling until I get to heaven that plan will not be handed
to me in a piece of paper (as much as I would really, really like that!).
But here is where my questions come to rest- in prayer. In
knowing that if I’m praying and asking God about where he wants me to be, that
He will be faithful in continuing to open doors and close others. That has been my prayer lately- that he
would close the doors to the places where he doesn’t want me to go or serve, no
matter how seemingly good those places may seem.
Sometimes we can look at other women who are
serving more than us, and we end up feeling as if we aren’t doing ‘enough’.
Just last week I learned of a young mom of toddlers, who started a non-profit
to provide shoes for children in Uganda to prevent them from getting gangrene
and other diseases. It was this great and successful organization that was
doing great things overseas!
As a friend shared with me this story, she also
shared how bad it made her feel that what she was doing was ‘not enough’ in her
current season of having little ones. And what breaks my heart is that I think
she is doing great things, following after God and all the things He is calling
her to.
I have been there as well. Recently I ran into a friend who does so much in my eyes.
She has adopted, is currently fostering, and home schools all of her five
children. I am always amazed at her gifts, and it is so easy to compare myself
to her and feel that I’m not doing ‘as much as I could be doing’. When I start
questioning myself, I am reminded that God is in the process of writing out a
very unique story in each of our lives and it will never look like the person
next to us. I am slowly learning to
embrace my story and not wish sometimes that the chapters written in it were
any different.
We have served in different ways over the last few years, and
in every season I have asked myself “ Is this really what I’m supposed to be
doing??”. From the humbleness that fostering brings, to the exciting (and
sometimes glamorous) community events of Junior League, I don’t know that I’ve
ever felt 100% certainty that I was doing exactly what God called me to do. But
in all times I have rested on this: Knowing that caring for my family always
comes first, knowing that I’ve prayed about it, and knowing that it’s ok to try
something and fail at it. I have had much less regrets in taking leaps of
faith, than never taking them at all.
Right now my heart continues to be in finding ways on how to
love children that are in foster care. From the short time that we fostered
(and what felt like a big time failure to me), our eyes were very opened to how
many children are in our own backyard have such great needs. From basic
physical needs like food, to spiritual needs such as learning about who Jesus
is. There are many ways to love on these children and I strive to continue to
find ways to do so, even though they may be different at times. I am thankful
for a path that although sometimes crooked, is going in the same direction.
