Social Media Break

It’s been two weeks and four days into my social media break… and I’m quite often asked how it’s going. In all honesty it has been really great for the most part, but it has also had its down side. I am not by any means against social media and am really looking forward to going back- but I must say it’s been really great to be disconnected for this time. I find that when I finally have those moments of quiet moments throughout the day and after putting the kids to bed- I have been reading books, reading scripture, and have been more consistent in prayer. In a way it has taken the overload of information that social media brings with it (good and bad) and removed the noise that sometimes keeps me busy and focused on things that are not that important (like the funny video you can’t help but watch, somebody’s blog post everyone is sharing, or just celebrity news in general). And to be honest I don’t think I checked social media that often (there have been plenty of days where surviving my children is enough to keep me busy away from the phone for days at a time) but it would still take up those short and rare moments of quietness that would eventually come up. 

Now for the bad- I miss seeing my friend’s posts! I want to know when their kids are sick, when they need prayer, when they have a small victory to celebrate. It can be isolating not being on social media and not being connected this way. When I started this fast I accepted that I would miss out on some stuff, might be behind on some updates, would not get to see pictures of babies being born or pregnancies announced. And that’s ok for the time being because right now I am in a season where I truly, desperately, more than anything else, desire to grow in my relationship with the Lord- and seek direction for our family over the next few years. 

I am thankful for blogging and the opportunity I have to share real life here, and I hope to be more consistent with it going forward :)

Update on Foster Parenting

It has been a few months since we have had a placement and since we are often asked how we are doing with this, I wanted to share a brief (Okay long) update.

We had three placements last fall, but have not had any foster placements since mid-November last year. Unfortunately, we have not had many phone calls for placements as I thought we would (especially during Christmas where I imagined we would have many calls). We only had one call at the end of December and it did not end up working out. There have been about three phone calls since November but none of them have worked out for various reasons. So we continue to be in prayer about this. We seem to be in a season of ‘in between’ and right now we just continue to wait for the next phone call for a placement.

Even though we haven’t had many placements, there are many ways becoming foster parents has changed our family. And I hope and pray that it will continue to do so much more! When we started last fall I personally struggled with being labeled as the ‘foster family’ and being judged for the decision we had made to go down this road. It all of a sudden became our world- what people first asked about, and in some way a spotlight was put on us about how this would all work out. This led me to retrieve and become more private in general, as I knew we did not start foster parenting for attention or praise but to serve where we felt God leading us. On the other hand there were some HARD days where we sure needed encouragement and prayer- and so it was difficult and a personal struggle on how to have wisdom and discernment on what to share.

There was also fear- fear that we would not succeed at foster parenting. That it would be too hard, that we would give up eventually, and that we had started on this journey that would lead nowhere.

There was fear that having these children for a few days would make no difference in their lives. That we were doing this and putting ourselves out there for something that would have no fruit.

It has taken me a few months to process these things and this is what I have finally come to terms with: Being or not being a foster family does not define who we are. It might be a label that we may have for a  while, and it might stick for a while or it might not. Ultimately I hope to be identified as a family who loves Jesus and desires to serve Him above everything else. We may not get everything right, we may have some setbacks, but I want to continue to pursue God’s calling for us, particularly reaching out to the poor and fatherless. Because 2013 was an eye opening year and I hope to never turn away from what we have learned and seen through our short experience so far as foster parents. I desire to continue stepping out of our comfort zone even though that may mean different things for different seasons: we could continue with respite fostering, take in a more permanent placement, mentor someone in foster care, or do something else altogether. We are still trying to figure what that looks like, but I believe God has a part for us to carry out and we are just not clear on what that looks like 100% yet. 

I wanted to end this post by sharing a few ways that foster parenting has been a blessing to our family.

It has taught me to not be as hard on myself as a mom.

After seeing how much some of these children long for a stable figure in their lives- and the significant impact this would have on them, I have learned to extend grace to myself on those days when I feel like I am failing as a mom. On the days when my children don’t eat a single vegetable or fruit, watch way too much TV, and I don’t have interesting activities planned out for them- yes even on those days I have been able to not beat myself up and rejoice on the fact that my children know me and see me love on them every day.

It is teaching our children how to give

Because foster parenting is something Jack and Palmer are a part of, they have to share us and everything they have with other children during the time they are here. I think it has opened Jack’s eyes a little bit (to what’s age appropriate of course) to know that not everyone has a home, or food, or parents to take care of them. I hope it is shaping them into the Godly men I pray they will grow up to be one day.

If I’m truly obedient to God, I may not always see the full picture

Because by nature I want to be ‘in the know’ and understand what the full picture looks like before I invest myself in something. I know that sometimes when God calls us to do something it may not make complete sense at the moment, but if He is leading then He must know what the full plan looks like! My job is just to trust Him.

I am learning to hold on to my plans loosely.

Because we don’t know when we will get a phone call for another placement, it teaches me to not hold on tightly to my plans. I am learning to be flexible because when we have a placement most of my previously made plans go out the window. I know this may sound like some people’s worst nightmare, but I love that I am getting better at surrendering my plans and not getting worked up about it when they fall through.

It made my one year old step up his game

Palmer has had a mild speech delay, but after seeing other children call me mama he immediately started speaking (to call me mama of course) just as we were getting ready to start him on some speech therapy. A little competition may have done him some good? :)

Laying myself down

This is truly what I have loved the most- and I often miss when we don’t have a placement. It’s hard to put into words but having a child from the foster system in our home truly puts everything into perspective. Because when a child who doesn’t have a home, or parents, and has been neglected comes through the door- all of a sudden having a whiny one year old and having some electrical issues with my car is not the big deal I originally thought it was (and it doesn’t ruin my day as it would’ve before). The small things in life have no effect on me anymore- whether someone was nice to me or not, commented on my pictures or not, left me out from something or not, etc, etc. All that becomes immaterial as I began to think outside of myself and focus on the needs of a hurting little soul.

Wasn't sure how to wrap up this post and then I remembered this song 'Somewhere in the Middle' by Casting Crowns I heard this afternoon :) Could not find better words to share my thoughts as we try to figure out what we are called to do.

 

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, 

Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end

And we are caught in the middle.
With eyes wide open to the differences- 

the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His? 

Or are we caught in the middle?

This post has been closed for comments but if you'd like to share something please email me at carolinabriggs@gmail.com.

What I'm Most Thankful For

As it turns out this is the only family picture we have at a pumpkin patch this Fall. As we were getting ready to take the picture I wondered whether it would be appropriate to ask Myra to come over and sit with us, after all she had only been in our home one week and would be leaving soon . But as soon as we sat down, she naturally ran over and jumped on my lap for the picture.

I remember awkwardly holding her (as you can see in the picture, I’m not even really touching her). But shortly after her little hands reached for my hand and wrapped them all the way around her waist. She snuggled in closer to me and smiled big for the camera.

What a sweet gift this was. Just seeing her love us back as if she had always been part of our family without any hesitation or awkwardness. Because when I wonder if respite foster parenting is something we should be doing, when I question what kind of impact (if any) we are having on these children, I am reminded of how God loves us. A love that gives all, risks all, and never holds back no matter how dark, hopeless, or unlikely the circumstances may be. God would not fear of getting hurt like I do sometimes when I love on them (or anyone else). He would go to great lengths just for the small chance of loving on us, and that type of love is BIG, and it changes us, and it is eternal.  

My friend Kaitlyn shared on bible study a few weeks ago that most of the things that we are thankful for could change at any second. Whether it’s our home, our food, our family, our possessions, etc. She challenged us to be thankful for things that are eternal and will never be taken away. And she was right. Because our husbands may fail us at times, our children may disappoint us, friends may reject or walk away us, our possessions may be gone, our we may get news of a fatal disease overnight (today a friend’s sister found out she has cancer and just a few months to live). It truly could all change in a matter of seconds.

And on the other side I am thankful for my blessings- undeserved blessings that have been given to me for a short period of time. But if my identity, security, or hope is centered on any of these, on anything other than Christ... then I am setting myself up for disappointment and heartache.

As these blessings change I am reminded that God’s love will still be the same. There may be times when I feel as if he loves me less, I may even be mad at him for these things being taken away from me. But despite my emotions on any given day, His love will never change.

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for my husband. I am thankful for the gift of being a mother and what a humbling process it has been these last six years. I am thankful for family and friends to share life with. I am thankful for my health and all the other ways we have been blessed. But I am most thankful for God's love which can never be taken away.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord”   

Romans 8:38-39

Update

We have had a busy last couple of weeks winding down from summer and getting ready for fall. Jack started his three year old class and he is doing really well. We are thankful he has an exceptionally wonderful teacher and a great class. He is very excited his best friend Roman is in his class this year!

                                                                           

I also wanted to write a short update on foster parenting…  

Our first placement, a 21 month old little girl who stayed with us for a week was very hard. It took me a while to process everything and have thought a lot about what to share about it. I guess I thought it would be a wonderful experience which would encourage other people to think about foster parenting. But plain and simple it was a difficult experience, although at the end of it all very rewarding.

It was physically hard, especially that first day as all I did was try to keep her and the boys (particularly Palmer) from fighting with each other. By her last day here it was a night and day difference and she was doing remarkably well. 

It was also emotionally difficult. I assumed because we are doing short-term respite care there wouldn’t be a risk of us getting too attached. But I was wrong. From day one I gave her everything without holding back- I sang to her every morning, rocked her extra to sleep, prayed over her when she would get up late at night, brushed her hair, chased her around the house, treated her as if she was my own. It was hard to say goodbye especially knowing she was going back to a less than ideal living situation, which made me angry at times thinking about the unfairness of it all. I cried when I kissed her goodbye and for a few nights after she left. 

And despite it being a rough start we want to continue doing this. I can’t count the many times when I second guessed myself in our decision to become foster parents (particularly that first day when I asked myself every hour- Why are we doing this?). As I processed it with Steve, I am so happy and thankful that he feels that we should continue and so do I. It was an eye-opening, difficult, rewarding first experience. But I hope it will bring our family and other foster children to know God in a deeper level. To experience His love and grace even in the midst of unfair circumstances. And personally for me to depend on Him more fully on the days when I can't make it on my own in taking care of little ones. Because there is no way we would be doing this if it wasn't for the grace and love that God has already poured out on us. And we hope to pour that out unto little ones who come from such broken families and so desperately need Him.

And so we are waiting for our next placement which could be at any time.  Since she left, we’ve only had one phone call to take in two boys- which did not end up working out as they were not placed in respite care.

This post has been closed for comments, but if you'd like to share something please email me at carolinabriggs@gmail.com. Have a great weekend!