Last night Steve and I were invited to a charity dinner benefitting ‘The Woman’s Place’. This organization is dedicated to provide counseling to teenagers who unexpectedly get pregnant and are thinking about abortion. They promote sexual integrity, adoption, and many other great things. I thought it would be a fun dinner out with friends, but it ended up being more difficult than I had expected.The first speaker of the night was Pam Tebow (Mom to the famous UF quarterback, Tim Tebow). She gave a beautiful speech about how she had been advised to abort 4 different times during her pregnancy with Tim. Her and her husband were missionaries and she was very malnourished during her pregnancy. Then she got a very rare disease and Tim and her were expected to die. Her and her husband decided to trust the Lord and not abort, and 18 years later little did they know out of that difficult pregnancy, they would have a Heisman winning star quarterback! It was evident Pam had a genuine passion to spread the gospel of Christ and encourage others to trust the Lord. As she kept talking about how much God loves babies and knits them fearfully and wonderfully made, I couldn’t help but think what had been so different about my baby. I felt a little angry and started again to question why all of this had happened. Did my God love Andrew just a little bit less than everyone else? I don’t think so. I know Jesus loved Andrew with all of His heart. He gave Andrew a family that loved on him every second he was here with us. He gave Andrew gentle nurses that took extra care of him. I could feel how much Jesus loved Andrew. But why take him away from excited expectant parents, and grant a child to a teenager who got pregnant with a one night stand after some drunken night?
The reasoning for that is not for me to know or understand at this moment. I do know God is fair, and he gives His children what is best. I can’t help but to think about what I realized during the time Andrew was at the hospital- that people’s body process medication differently and they uniquely respond to it. One medication might work beautifully for one person, but it can do nothing to the next one, and even harm the next one. We are uniquely and wonderfully made. So I take that principle and apply it back to my life. Maybe having a child to a freshman in college might help her get her life together and teach her unconditional love. Maybe being a parent for Steve and me right now would lead us to be self-centered and would take us in a path away from the Lord, or a place where he doesn’t want us. Even if both of these statements are far from the truth, I do know that I have a father in heaven that knows better than I do and I trust the judgment He makes.
Steve gave me a sweet reminder as I was getting out of the car last night from the dinner. He could tell I was sad and he looked into my eyes and said ‘Carolina, God has us right where he wants us to be’. I am thankful to be reminded of that by my loving husband during times when I feel defeated because I can’t see the big picture.
