When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You.
- Brooke Frasier, Shadowfeet
I have never written like this before, but there is so much God showed me after the death of my son that I think it would be selfish not to write about it. Losing a newborn son can feel like the biggest curse someone could ever receive, yet I feel it was the biggest blessing I have ever received.
I'll be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You.
- Brooke Frasier, Shadowfeet
I have never written like this before, but there is so much God showed me after the death of my son that I think it would be selfish not to write about it. Losing a newborn son can feel like the biggest curse someone could ever receive, yet I feel it was the biggest blessing I have ever received.
My husband and I waited anxiously for our son Andrew Turner Briggs to arrive on July 19, 2008. Andrew was born at 8:02 pm on July 14, 2008 a couple of days earlier than his due date. About a day after he was born he started crying uncontrollably and was sent to the NICU. After a few hours and much testing, the neonatal doctor sat us down and told us Andrew had suffered from lack of oxygen to his brain at some point during late pregnancy or delivery. She could not predict what the prognosis would be, but it was not a promising one. The autopsy confirmed this as they were not able to find anything else.
The world had started to shake from under my feet, but I knew if I held on the Lord things would be all right. So I closed my eyes, grabbed on to him tightly, and hoped for a miracle. After all God likes to work with those who have little chances. I hoped this was one of those times. During the time our son was in the NICU, I cried out to the Lord from the deepest parts of my body. My husband and I did nothing but pray and ask friends to pray for his healing during this time. I knew God could heal him completely if he wanted to. Perhaps if I prayed and cried hard enough he would have mercy on Andrew.
I was shocked when He still chose to take him away on July 24, 2008.Our son never made it home and he passed away 10 days after he was born at 8pm, the same hour he was born. The world had finally completely crumbled under me and I was still holding on the Lord with my eyes closed, hoping it had all been just a bad dream. I felt abandoned by the Lord for not answering my prayer. After all what kind of God would want to take a child from his parents? My emotions told me God had either left me or he just didn’t care about us. I felt this way day in and day out for the weeks that followed. Yet I knew the bible said otherwise- it had a promise of God’s unconditional love, of good plans and blessing God wanted to bestow on those who loved him. There was a great disconnect between the two.
I am thankful to serve a Lord who loves me even when my world falls apart. His promise in the bible is not that He wil spare us from tragedy, His promise has always been that He will be the one holding me together when I should falling apart. His grace is and will always be more than enough for me.
