When I met Steve at 17 years old being a freshman in college, he used to listen to Michael W. Smith, Steven Curtis Chapman, and DC Talk a LOT! He would listen to them every night. I remember thinking I didn’t really like them all that much.
Fast forward 9 years later and we were newly married and had just had our first son Andrew. But life took an unexpected turn and our son was in the NICU, very very sick at just a few days old. I was sitting outside our balcony in our small condo, wrestling with my faith and crying out to God. My sister Elizabeth was next to me and we were out there looking at the stars late at night.
I felt so broken and sad that night, and could not stop bawling. I remember my sister Elizabeth speaking some words of encouragement to me which helped me make it through the night. But as we were sitting in my balcony that night I remember looking up thinking this was not at all how it was supposed to be. Andrew was supposed to come home with us after a few days and I should have been holding him instead of him being in some hospital bed. And in the midst of my tears and questions that night, this song came on the radio by Michael W. Smith called ‘Hey you its me’. A simple song that answered my deep question that night: This was not how it was all supposed to be. Was this Andrew's story all along?
Here are the lyrics from that song:
We talk
Walk the walk
Run the race
And climb the ladder, but
If we ever
If we ever should fall…
Hey you its me
True lovers are we
Children under the sun
Two spirits in the name of one
Hey baby its you and me
You know this was always meant to be
Here we are looking at the stars
And you know we have come so very far
I listened to this song over and over again for the month after Andrew passed away. I felt like we had been at the top of the world and fallen sharply. I loved how this song talked about two souls being so intertwined together that we were two spirits under the name of the Lord. I also loved hearing the verse ‘This was always meant to be’ as reassurance that this was always plan A under the Lord’s sovereign will. And I loved hearing ‘we have come so very far’ because all I kept thinking is how short Andrew’s life compared to what we had expected. I had prepared so much, worked so hard, ran the race, and at the end... his life felt too short, like all my work had been for nothing. But in the midst of my wrestling, this song spoke to me- even though I felt that we had not come very far, I realized his life somehow had come far and accomplished all the purposed God had for him. I am very thankful today for the 10 sweet days we had with him.
And you know what? In any other context this song does not make a lot of sense… it doesn’t really talk about anything. But to me, on that night, and the weeks that followed it made all the sense in the world.
Today I love all DC talk, Steven Curtis Chapman, and Michael W. Smith songs! They are a part of who Steve is and I think they would’ve been a big part of who Andrew would’ve been had he stayed on earth a little longer…
