Every Thursday night I go to 'Celebrate Recovery' an awesome ministry our church has. This is a Christ-centered 12 step study (kind of like AA) but it is to surrender any type of hurt, habit, or hang up. I have found incredible healing over too many things to list here and made wonderful friendships over the years.
As I was driving to CR last night I felt a tug in my heart to go to 'Griefshare' instead. This is a 13 week study on grief for people who have lost a loved one. I knew it would be hard to hear the stories that would be shared, and for me to face again the pain I experienced. It certainly is much easier to not talk about Andrew and relive that pain. What kind of saddistic person am I? I thought. Why would I want to talk about Andrew, cry, and hear the sad stories of other people so I can cry even more? I must be going crazy... Yep I officially need professional help.
But I am so incredibly glad I went.
First we watched a short video on what was considered 'normal grieving
Denial- Check
Anger with God- Check
Guilt- Definitely check
Relief- Difficult to admit, but check. I was surprised to hear this was a normal grieving emotion.
After the video we shared about the loss of our loved ones. It was good to talk to people who understood how I felt. It was wonderful to have a chance to share about Andrew's short life with others. They did not shy away from pain.
Now it was not easy to be there and hear some of these stories. I talked to a widow who had just lost her husband of 20 years 2 weeks ago. She was teary eyed the entire time and in the midst of her grief. My heart broke for her, but I was glad she was there and seeking encouragement.
Sharing Andrew's story made me relive my emotions at the hospital. I cried but with every tear there was also healing. That is one of the things I learned there as well.
Now I thought Steve and I had done a good job of grieving specially those first couple of months. And I think we did ok, I know everyone grieves differently. But after going to Griefshare I really wish I would've joined a group like this back then! It would've been so beneficial. If I had heard the emotions other people where experiencing perhaps I wouldn't have felt so guilty and somewhat crazy for so long.
Griefshare is a great resource for small groups, daily emails, and other resources on grieving.
Thank you for reading this post. Hope this is of encouragement to you or someone you know!
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