So where do I begin? It has been quite a while since I've written a heartfelt post. And there is a lot I could go over regarding my life these past few weeks, but I will try to keep it as short as possible to get to what I really want to write about tonight- what God is teaching me through my children.
The transition to staying at home has been very different than what I expected.
I expected that I would find myself weeping daily over missing my morning starbucks frapuccino as I conversed with my co-workers in the coffee break area. That I would find myself missing work, missing my identity, missing my old life.
Even though I certainly miss the adult interaction, these things really haven't gotten to me the way I thought they would. The first two weeks I felt incredible grateful to have the ability to be home with Jack.
It was not until the third week that the reality of being at home really started to sink in. And the everyday routine hit like a ton of bricks, leaving me overwhelmed as I thought about how I would have to clean up, do laundry, and change diapers the next day, and the next day, and so on...
There have definitely been tough days when I've cried, when I've been bored (yes there I said it!), and when I've felt isolated. But not once have I regreted the decision to stay at home. I am at peace knowing this is where I'm supposed to be.
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So to get to what I actually wanted to write about tonight...
This morning my friend
Bethany and I went to a MOPS group (Mothers of preschoolers). We were blessed to have met three other moms with children our age that were just thrilled about the idea of getting together. But even better was the speaker we heard this morning.
She was a young mom, a little older than I, with brown hair and brown eyes and a little 18 month old at home. She was asked to speak on the topic of what
'she had learned from her children' and she did a great job.
She shared how in the midst of us disciplining, training, and instructing our children. God uses our children to train and instruct
us to grow into Christ's image.
That nothing in her life had ever molded, shaped her, and transformed her as much as being a mother.
And as I sat there this morning listening to her, my heart leaped with joy that Andrew met that criteria. Even now as I am adjusting to the daily routine of being at home, every morning I remember "to honor Him in the small things" as God showed me through Andrew's life
here.
I can list the ways God spoke to me through Andrew's life. I know them by heart, can expand on them, go over them backwards, or give you the cliff notes version.
But sadly I couldn't think of many ways that God had used Jack to shape and mold me. I'm sure He had, but I hadn't really taken the time to write them down.
The speaker left off saying- "Slow down and take time to listen to what God is saying to you through your children today"
And then this afternoon... I heard it. I heard it!!
I was so thrilled that I told Steve as soon as he came home from work and wanted to share about it here. He is using it to change a part of me I didn't even know needed to be changed.
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If you know me- you will also know that I am always on the go. I am the queen of multitasking. Rarely do I ever work on one thing at the same time.
To give you an example, I remember the first few months of Jack's life how I would pump milk, catch up on emails, and put Jack to sleep in his bouncy chair at the same time.
At work rarely did I ever work on one project. I usually did a couple of things at a time, while speaking or being on the phone at the same time.
Even mentally I tend to multitask. Often when I am in a conversation with someone, I am mentally writing me list of things to do for the next day.
To me it's always been- the more you can get done at the same time the better!
Well since I've stayed at home I have been forced against my will to NOT multitask. I am not nearly as productive or get as much done as I once did with taking care of Jack. I thought I would have all this extra time to get errands done, get prettied up, clean the house...
But now there is this little person that looks up to me, and needs me to care for him. And it has forced me to slow down and get down on the floor and give him the attention he longs for (at times- I know I can't do it all day long)
There are moments when I find myself playing with him doing something completely unproductive to me. Like hiding under the covers pretending to go night night and laughing over and over again.
And it is then I am reminded to slow down and enjoy that fleeting moment with him. That even though I may not be teaching him spanish, or his colors, or letters.
Just simply being with him is more than enough.
And that has been a tough lesson for me to learn. Even though I finally heard it, I haven't quite fully gotten yet.
The last two books I read have been on slowing down and enjoying the moment. Could God get any louder?
In the book 'One thousand gifts' Ann Voskamps writes about slowing down to live in the moment and fully experience God. Here are some quotes from her book on this..
She quotes a pastor's most profound regret in life:
"Being in a hurry. Geting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing... through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away"
And then she writes..
"I only live the full life when I liver fully in the moment"
"When I am present, I meet I AM, the very presence of God. In His embrace, time loses all sense of speed and stress and space and stands to still and... holy"
"Here is the only place I can love Him"
And so I'm reminded that through this lesson God is showing me something about HIMSELF. As Ann writes in her book- the very essence of God is I AM. He is always fully in the moment.
This evening as Steve was playing with Jack, I was getting ready to ask him to fix something for me. I thought it'd be perfect for him to take out Jack in the garage so he could do both- spend time with Jack AND fix this thing at the same time.
But I stopped myself and decided to let them have this time together. and just a few minutes later I heard laughter. Not just any kind of laughter- but the deep belly loud laughter that automatically brings a smile to your face soon as you hear it. And it was priceless.
I am grateful I am learning more about God's character through my little boy... Jack!
