With my social media break I thought I would take the time to write
about Lillian and what it’s been like to have her in our family. I get asked
that question often, and for some reason it’s a hard question to answer. She
sure has been a joy and a delight to our family, and sometimes I feel guilty
for feeling that way. I think its because I don’t ever want to put her on a pedestal
or focus on her so much that she becomes the center of my world.
It also hasn’t been an easy last 9 months. Adding a baby has been
exhausting! There have definitely been adjustments, sleep deprived nights,
tired days, and days where I wondered how I would make it through the day.
I’m so thankful for the great bond with Lillian from the time she was
born. I definitely think a big part of it was having more skin to skin contact after
she was born (something I didn’t get with the boys, but I insisted on to my
doctor and the hospital this time around).
Also with both of the boys my mom came in town for the first 10-14 days
and helped me tremendously with them. She would rock them to sleep and hold
them endlessly for hours. I took that time to recover and try to catch up on
sleep! But when Lillian was born my mom was very sick and wasn’t able to come
until after a week or so… I was devastated and wondered how I would ever make
it through! But looking back it was a blessing in disguise, because those early
days allowed me to spend more time with her and develop a good bond with her.
Steve of course always helped tremendously, but he usually held the fort up
with the boys, meals, the house, and school. No easy task.
The first three months were very hard. She had severe reflux and that
made for a sleep deprived and fussy baby. After she was put on medication she
made a huge improvement and was able to sleep longer at a time. One thing she
always had going for her was that she never had her nights and days confused. She
would always sleep great when it was night (waking up to eat but going right
back to sleep) and she was a horrible napper during the day. These days she
sleeps through the night from 7pm to 6:30am and has been doing that for a few
months all on her own. She’s in a pretty good napping routine, although
recently she’s been changing it up on me as babies often do around 9 months.
Her nicknames in the house are: sneaky ninja (because you’ll sit her
somewhere and two seconds later find her in a different room), sweetie-heart (by
Steve).
She loves sweet potatoes and bananas. You mix any rice or vegetable with
either of those and she’ll go to town. I’ve also struggled SO much less when it
comes to feeding her. I had such a hard time with the boys but I think it was
mostly my fault. I would always spoon feed them baby food (and often force them
to eat when they didn’t want to) and with her I’m allowing her to pick up more
finger foods in her own (and never forcing her to eat). I think she likes it
and it gives her a sense of control. She doesn’t get as bored during mealtime
and has been a great eater thus far. She even loves raw peppers??! Who would’ve
thought.
I see a lot of Andrew when I see her. Her and Andrew where both born
with the same blondish-strawberry hair. They both had round faces. They both
had extremely big fingers and toes. Although for the first six months she truly
was the SPITTING image of Palmer.
I am so in love with her smiles and giggles. She laughs often and I’m
soaking every moment in. It probably helps she has two older siblings
entertaining her every chance they get. The house feels quiet and empty when
they’re at school, and I even feel bad for her because I can tell she misses
having them around.
I am thankful to have a daughter. And while I am thankful I also know in
my heart that having a daughter does not complete me as a person, or is in any
way better than it would’ve been to have another sweet boy. I have heard
comments along these lines from so many people and they are far from the truth. I know how
difficult it is to even become pregnant, that any child God chooses to give us
is a great honor and a blessing.
