Update and Andrew's Birthday

Once again not sure where to start writing. This post goes over a lot so please forgive me if it’s all over the place.

We received a phone call this past Monday for our first placement with foster children. We were asked to  take in two siblings under the age of five for 10 days. With every placement we are given the option to say yes or no, so we took a night to pray and think about it before responding. We were given a little bit of history- these children had been removed from their parents because of neglect, substance abuse and domestic violence. They had been with a foster family for the last two years and had made significant progress since then.

The next morning we accepted and with nervousness and anticipation began to get ready to take in these little guys Friday. But Thursday afternoon we received a phone call that they had been placed with a relative along with their five other siblings and three cousins (So that single mama was taking care of 10 kids). Not an ideal situation by any means but certainly a much less traumatizing situation than going to a complete stranger’s house. We were very disappointed that we wouldn’t get a chance to take care of these little guys, but after a few hours of the news settling in there was also a sense of relief. On Wednesday Palmer had been diagnosed with bronco-pneumonia and a double ear infection. Perhaps after all, it wasn’t the right time.

It has been a very emotional week for me (and us). For the last few years I’ve dreaded approaching the month of July as remember Andrew on his birthday on the 14^th. Although this year is not anywhere nearly as difficult as it was that first year when my arms were empty. This year my plate is full with two little boys to hold and kiss on, that keep me on my toes, and often wear me out from chasing after them all day.  I remember Andrew more distantly with each passing year, and the sorrow comes back less and in shorter instances.

But I still miss him. I miss him when I see other five year olds around me. When Jack says he wishes he could get to ‘see’ his brother in heaven. When this weekend goes by quietly and I realize in an alternate world we would be celebrating his birthday. I want to honor his short little life as best as we can and sometimes it’s hard to know just how to do that. Some years I’ve blogged on his birthday and others I haven’t. Some years we’ve had birthday cakes, but not on others. Some years we’ve had large family gatherings and others have been very intimate. It’s hard navigating through each grief each year and figuring out what to do to as a family to honor and remember him.

Today there is a certain emptiness to our home as we expected it to be filled with four busy toddlers. In a small way, it brings back memories of the emptiness we felt after losing Andrew. The empty crib, the excitement and questions from people, the room ready for him, the expectation of how tired we would be at that time.  

As this time approaches I can still choose to trust God even when things don’t make sense. As much as I don’t understand the way things turn out sometimes, as much as I think that my plans are good- ultimately I come back to a place of accepting that only God knows best, not me.  Surrender is not easy for me and has been a process that takes time. But deep down I know He wants good things for us, for our family, and also for the children that are in the foster system.

This afternoon I read through early posts from the first year of not having Andrew. I came across this post written during a time when we didn't have a child to hold. I am thankful today for all the good, wonderful, and joyful chapters God has written since then.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009:

I am confident God will write the end of my story. Steve reminded me last night that God also writes the beginning and middle of the book. As difficult as life might be at times, it is these moments that shape us into who we are supposed to be. And without these temporary trials there would not be a happy ending.

That was eye opening for me. As much as my emotions tell me at times that God has temporarily forgotten about me, I remember that even though this season of my life feels pretty dark, His handwriting is there too. And there is a purpose and a time for each chapter of His story.

I've closed comments for this post, if you would like to share something please email me at carolinabriggs@gmail.com

Somewhere in Between

After not blogging for a long time it’s hard to choose where to pick up again. Tonight I’m enjoying an evening to myself (Steve and Jack are at the beach, Palmer is sleeping) which is a rare occurrence. So I’m sitting here with a glass of wine, listening to my Pandora station, and typing away at the monitor.

Last week we said goodbye to some of our best friends the Shah Family. We are so sad to see them go, but know that God has brought them to North Carolina for a purpose and has great things for them ahead. We are sad we won’t be by their side to experience it with them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We love them so much and will miss them greatly!

Last week we also got our foster license (finally!). The process took much longer than expected because we moved in the middle of our training- this delayed the home inspections and interviews that would’ve been done early in the process. We also had some unexpected bumps along the way that delayed the process even more.

Before officially being available to take in kids, we decided to take two weeks to work on our guest bedroom where the foster children would sleep. We didn’t have to do this (this wasn’t required) but something in me really wanted to make it more welcoming and cozy for them.  Figured they’ve already been through something traumatic and sleeping in a stranger’s home can’t be anything less than incredibly scary.

I’ve thought a lot about the book “The Little Princess" by Frances Hodson Burnett- My favorite book growing up (which I would read over and over again). It’s about a little girl who lost her mom and her dad leaves her in some type of boarding school while he is away at war. She is made to sleep in the worst, most unwelcoming room of the place… and she pretends to be a princess though out the book. I just didn’t want to give these children the worst room in the house. I want them to feel wanted.

And so for the past week we’ve spent every spare second working in this room. If I seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth that’s why. But I’m thinking this will be over soon and can get back to normal life?

 As excited as I am about to start foster parenting. As much as I’m looking forward to loving on some little guys that have not been loved on the way they should have. As much as I know in my heart we’re led to do this. As much as I’m ready to pray over them even if just for a short time... I’m also absolutely terrified. After all, there are some days when I can barely get through the day- Why in the world would I think that I’d be able to take care of another child? And how is it going to change our life? What kind of rough days are coming our way?

And when I have those questions I’m thankful for my husband who encourages me and tells me that we should move forward. That we should give this a try and God will lead us in the right direction  whether we do this for a season or the rest of our lives. Even if it’s uncomfortable at times and not everyone will agree with what we’re doing. And I find peace and rest in that.

I was listening to the song 'Somewhere in the Middle' by Casting Crowns when I started typing tonight. I thought it was appropriate as we get ready to leave a season of our lives and start another completely unknown season.

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

- Casting Crown 'Somewhere in the Middle' Lyrics

It's getting late and I should head to bed so I can get some rest before my baby wakes up early tomorrow morning. Hope everyone had a great 4th of July weekend! :)

This post has been closed for comments, but if you would like to share something please email me at carolinabriggs@gmail.com.

Keeping the Sabbath

As I wrote in my last post, these last few months I’ve been feeling weary and tired. The trip to see my dad was refreshing and I was thankful for being able to unwind and relax during our time there. I thought having that break would be enough to last me a while, but it wasn’t even a week until I was right back to feeling tired and overwhelmed at times.

Last week I was reading ‘Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World’ for my Tuesday morning women’s bible study, I was intrigued and convicted on the idea of keeping the Sabbath.  Here is the excerpt that spoke loudly to me:

Despite all the distractions, real and imagined, I really believe that if we want to balance our lives we must set our hearts towards obeying the fourth commandment (Exodus 20:8). The specifics of what that means for you and your family will be between you and God. But I believe that Sabbath-keeping as God ordained it must involve three things:

First, it must be different, set apart; it has to contrast noticeably with the six other days. It shouldn’t just be a day when we take care of errands we didn’t get to do on Saturday or finish paperwork we brought home on Friday.

Second, the Sabbath should be a day of devotion.  It’s meant to be spent in the Living Room, Kitchen duties can wait. This is a time to focus our hearts and minds on God alone.

Finally, the Sabbath should be at least partially a family day- a time not only spent with our biological families, but also with the family of faith gathered for worship and fellowship.

-          Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver, pg. 185

While I usually make a feeble attempt unwind and relax on Sundays, I have never made it a purposeful effort to do so. This is usually what ends up happening: I run errands during nap time, go grocery shopping and plan our meals for the week. I often try to clean around the house thinking it will get me ‘ahead’ on cleaning during the upcoming week. But somehow my kids end up making a mess again and I’m right back where I started. It feels just like every other day of the week. My mind still going a million miles an hour, trying to multitask as much as possible, and attempting to be as productive as I can.

After reading this chapter and talking to Steve about it, we are going to make an effort to keep the Sabbath on Sundays. We came up with some ideas that we’re hoping will help us find  rest from the week:

-         Not cleaning around the house or doing laundry on Sundays. Only do what is necessary for the day.

-         Only use paper plates

-         Not run errands that we didn’t get to do during the week

-         I plan on reading a magazine or book during nap time (something I LOVE to do, but never have time for!)

-         Not check fb or instagram. This will set apart this day from the rest of the week and allow me to focus on other things.

-         Not organizing newspapers/coupons


Will continue to add to the list...

Our goal is that we would look forward to Sundays  instead of viewing it as just another day like the others. I hope we’ll be able to make time for things we enjoy to do, have a mental break from the planning and work of the week, have good quality family time together, and ultimately focus on seeking the Lord that day. I’m excited to do this!! I can't wait to see how it turns out and how it will impact our family.  And I hope that if we stick with it, it will be something that Jack and Palmer will practice as adults as well.

I've closed this post for comments but feel free to email at Carolinabriggs@gmail.com if you'd like to share something. Good night!

Punta Cana

About two weeks ago we traveled to Punta Cana to spend a week with my dad. Due to circumstances he’s not able to come to the US, and we’re not able to visit him in Venezuela. So we try to once a year meet him somewhere to spend time with him. In this trip he saw Jack for the second time and met Palmer for the first time.

The few days leading up to the trip were very difficult. Three days before we realized Palmer would need a passport to travel and he didn’t have one! We were so upset thinking we might have to postpone the trip, or I would have to go on my own with Jack. After much research, phone calls (and a few hundred dollars later) we were thankful to have gotten his passport in time, just 2.5 hours before our plane left on Wednesday morning!

Tuesday night we drove down to Miami since our plane left from the Ft Lauderdale airport Weds morning. The kids were awake most of the way, we ended up getting to the hotel close to midnight and we all got very little sleep that night. Palmer did not do well on the plane and he didn’t nap as we had hoped .  On a good note, the plane ride was only 2 hours which was manageable. We arrived around 4pm exhausted. We weren’t sure what to expect of the trip, since traveling with kids is usually a lot more work than a vacation. But we knew it’d be worth it to spend time with my dad.

My dad got there at 7pm that night and he was as happy as could be. He was so thrilled to see his grandchildren and we just had a great time that night and the rest of the trip.

 

 

The hotel was all inclusive (thank you groupon!), and it was nice to not have to cook or clean for a week (since the kitchen is where I spend most of my time at home). Their food was excellent- ranging from Filet Mignon, to lobster, to paella, etc.

 

 

 

The weather was perfect. It was sunny every day we were there with a few short afternoon showers.  We spent most of our days lounging at the pool and beach.

 

 

The people in the DR are very friendly! Everyone greeted us with a big smile and dotted on the boys.  And although most of the people staying there were couples they had plenty of activities for families. They also had a kids club (which we didn’t take advantage of since the boys are so young) and a babysitter service. Really could not have been a better run and service driven place.

We didn’t go anywhere outside the hotel. Figured with two kids and Palmer’s naps it would be easier to stay there. Palmer napped around noon every day for 2-3 hours, and we’d take turns going up to stay with him.

My dad was happy to watch the boys while Steve and I spent some time on our own at times. We took a lot of walks by the beach (and even got to see a few shooting stars!!), went out to dinner, dancing, and to a bonfire at the beach the hotel put on. 

 

We met a lot of interesting people- all the way from France to Polland. There was one couple we spent a lot of time with because they had a little boy Jack’s age and they played very well.

Mother's day was very special. My dad gave me flowers that morning and a beautiful necklace. Steve's present was taking me on this wonderful trip! And as a treat they took care of the boys so I could have time to myself to read at the beach. The rest of the afternoon spent it with the boys at the pool. Truly was a very special mother's day that I will always remember.

 

 

We are truly grateful we got to spend this week with my dad. We only booked the trip in mid April (it was rather last minute). When the new Venezuelan president was elected on April 14th, we were worried that my dad wouldn't be able to leave the country in a few months, so we took the jump to book the trip.

 

It has been a very busy and at times difficult first half of the year. With Palmer being in the hospital, going through foster training, buying a house, and two week long vacations, it has come with it's challenges . Most of these are good things that have truly been an answer to prayer. We are grateful for them. But cramming them all into less than five months, it leaves little time for routine and simply enjoying the moment without having to rush to the next thing. Prior to going on the trip I had been running on empty. I hadn't had a good quiet time in a while and had missed my Tuesday morning women's bible study for a few weeks. When my relationship with God takes a backseat to anything else, it leaves me feeling empty with a void only God can fill. While our life may seem so picture perfect at times from the outside looking in, it is not perfect by any means. I am a sinful, broken at times, weary mama, that needs to get back to putting God in the center of my everyday life.

 

Can I just add how much I love blogging? I love the opportunity to be transparent and share more about what's behind each picture. And thank you to my hubby Steve for encouraging me to blog during the times in the past I've wanted to stop. He is always my number one fan in blogging and I'm thankful for how he guides me and our family.

 

It is way past my bedtime, so I'm heading off to bed. I've closed this post for comments but feel free to email at Carolinabriggs@gmail.com if you'd like to share something. Good night!