Two years after Andrew passed away we started a family tradition of organizing an Advent Basket for other families walking through grief during Christmas. I came across the idea in a blog- from a mom who had also lost her child and shared how helpful this basket had been for her. This is such an easy, practical and tangible way to encourage someone who's lost someone or is walking through a difficult time.
The basket contains 25 small gifts for each day of Christmas. Each gift is wrapped, numbered, and has a bible verse taped to it.
This year we worked on two baskets- one for three boys who lost their mom to cancer, and another one for three kids whose mom will be in the hospital for an indefinite period of time. Working on these really reminded me to be thankful.
Even though it’s been many years and our Christmas seasons these days are filled with joy I still remember walking through that first Christmas without Andrew.
I remember sometimes waking up in the morning and forgetting for a few seconds of all that had happened... and then remembering that he was gone. And the weight of the loss coming back.
I also remember having perfectly normal conversations with people and then going home to cry for hours.
I still remember feeling a knot in my stomach as Christmas Day approached hoping I could figure out a way to skip it altogether. I knew what was supposed to be a day of celebration would instead remind me of the empty space Andrew had left in and the pain we felt.
That Christmas we spent most of our free time with our dear friends David and Shelly Clark. I believe God placed them in our lives to encourage us during this season of grief and I will always be grateful for them.
It was that New Year’s Eve that I got pregnant with Jack. And that January Shelly and I would surprisingly find out we were both pregnant, and God would graciously bless us with two boys later that year.
Part of me is glad to have walked through this pain so that we can all these years later have a glimpse of what is like to walk through grief. Grief can be so much heavier, last so much longer and linger into so many more Christmas seasons.
Somewhere in getting ready for Christmas day, school programs, shopping, etc it’s easy for me even to this day to lose perspective of what's important and easy to get caught up on things that are not. I am thankful for this Christmas even though it's been far for perfect, (particularly the awful flu-like sickness that hit our home this week). This week has been filled with cleaning up throw up, keeping fevers down, holding babies, and surviving this sickness. Which I wouldn't have been able to do without Steve's help and him taking time off work to help. It's been really hard and easy for me to throw myself a big pity party (and believe me I have). But as I remember Andrew this Christmas, I'm reminded of the big picture. And there is so much to be thankful for.
Wishing everyone a very wonderful Christmas!
