Through the Unthinkable

Along with the rest of our country, my heart breaks when I think about the pain the parents who lost their children last Friday will be going through these next few months. To know that there will be days when their arms will physically hurt from longing to hold their children so badly. That there will be days when they will look forward to going to sleep and dread waking up in the morning. And that there will be mornings when waking up,  they will briefly expect their children to come running into the room, and suddenly realize they live in a reality when their children are not there. And they will weep.

My friend Leigh Ann shared on facebook last week something that stuck with me. To simply pray and that sometimes that is all we can do.  This past weekend seemed to fly by with Christmas parties and activities, and yet my heart continually pondering on the tragedy that happened on Friday.  Saturday night after getting home from a play at church, I sat down in the couch with my sister and simply prayed.

Pray that these parents, family members, and orphans will eventually know that they were not forsaken, abandoned, or forgotten. Because they will absolutely feel that way some days, and they will wrestle with everything they’ve believed in up until that point.

Pray that they will not turn to alcohol, drugs, or any other type of addictions to mask the pain as it will be very tempting at times. But instead that they will choose instead to turn to God because He is the only one that can comfort and heal their broken hearts.

Pray that they will be able to listen to God’s truth even though their emotions may be telling them otherwise. This is the best time for the enemy to attack and he will certainly try.

Pray that in God’s miraculous way He would bring beauty forth from ashes, turn their mourning into dancing, and work all things for the good of those who love him.

It’s hard to believe in a loving God when the unthinkable happens. Although anyone can hypothesize, rationalize, and come up with reasons on why this happened, nothing will ever make sense when weighed against the death of an innocent child. Nothing.  And I believe that it’s ok to wrestle and have these questions as long as we continue to take them in prayer to God. After all He is the only one in the universe that has the answer.

I have asked myself countless, probably hundreds of times, where God was the day I held my 10 day old son as he was taking his last breaths. And looking back, I know, that I know, that I know that He was right there present in that NICU room. I don’t know this because I read it in the bible, or some pastor told me, or it’s something I’d like to believe to make me feel better. I know it because I felt peace and comfort that night that surpasses all understanding. Because it was a holy and precious moment that could not be overlooked by a loving God. A God who has time and time again shown His love in many different areas of my life.

I believe in a good and loving God even through the unfairness and brokenness of this world. There is no promise in the bible that we will be shielded from pain, sickness, or death. All the saints experienced it, Mary experienced it, and even Jesus himself.

But there is a promise in there that one day ‘Every tear will be wiped away’ and that the pain we are going through today will remotely be a distant memory. Oh how I long for that day! Today I am clinging to the many promises of redemption, healing, and  beautiful things springing forth from the darkest of circumstances.