It has been a few months since we have had a placement and since we are often asked how we are doing with this, I wanted to
share a brief (Okay long) update.
We had three placements last fall, but have not had any foster
placements since mid-November last year. Unfortunately, we have not had many
phone calls for placements as I thought we would (especially during Christmas
where I imagined we would have many calls). We only had one call at the end of
December and it did not end up working out. There have been about three phone
calls since November but none of them have worked out for various reasons. So
we continue to be in prayer about this. We seem to be in a season of ‘in between’ and right now we just continue to wait for the next phone call for a placement.
Even though we haven’t had many placements, there are many
ways becoming foster parents has changed our family. And I hope and pray that
it will continue to do so much more! When we started last fall I personally
struggled with being labeled as the ‘foster family’ and being judged for the
decision we had made to go down this road. It all of a sudden became our world-
what people first asked about, and in some way a spotlight was put on us about
how this would all work out. This led me to retrieve and become more private in
general, as I knew we did not start foster parenting for attention or praise
but to serve where we felt God leading us. On the other hand there were some
HARD days where we sure needed encouragement and prayer- and so it was
difficult and a personal struggle on how to have wisdom and discernment on what
to share.
There was also fear- fear that we would not succeed at
foster parenting. That it would be too hard, that we would give up eventually,
and that we had started on this journey that would lead nowhere.
There was fear that having these children for a few days
would make no difference in their lives. That we were doing this and putting
ourselves out there for something that would have no fruit.
It has taken me a few months to process these things and
this is what I have finally come to terms with: Being or not being a foster
family does not define who we are. It might be a label that we may have for
a while, and it might stick for a while
or it might not. Ultimately I hope to be identified as a family who loves Jesus
and desires to serve Him above everything else. We may not get everything
right, we may have some setbacks, but I want to continue to pursue God’s
calling for us, particularly reaching out to the poor and fatherless. Because
2013 was an eye opening year and I hope to never turn away from what we have learned
and seen through our short experience so far as foster parents. I desire to
continue stepping out of our comfort zone even though that may mean different
things for different seasons: we could continue with respite fostering, take in
a more permanent placement, mentor someone in foster care, or do something else
altogether. We are still trying to figure what that looks like, but I believe
God has a part for us to carry out and we are just not clear on what that looks
like 100% yet.
I wanted to end this post by sharing a few ways that foster
parenting has been a blessing to our family.
It has taught me to not be as hard on myself
as a mom.
After seeing how much some of these
children long for a stable figure in their lives- and the significant impact this would have on
them, I have learned to extend grace to myself on those days when I feel like I
am failing as a mom. On the days when my children don’t eat a single
vegetable or fruit, watch way too much TV, and I don’t have interesting
activities planned out for them- yes even on those days I have been able to not
beat myself up and rejoice on the fact that my children know me and see me
love on them every day.
It is teaching our children how to give
Because foster parenting is something Jack
and Palmer are a part of, they have to share us and everything they have with
other children during the time they are here. I think it has opened Jack’s eyes
a little bit (to what’s age appropriate of course) to know that not everyone
has a home, or food, or parents to take care of them. I hope it is shaping them into the Godly men I pray they will grow up to be one day.
If I’m truly obedient to God, I may not
always see the full picture
Because by nature I want to be ‘in the know’
and understand what the full picture looks like before I invest myself in
something. I know that sometimes when God calls us to do something it may not
make complete sense at the moment, but if He is leading then He must know what
the full plan looks like! My job is just to trust Him.
I am learning to hold on to my plans
loosely.
Because we don’t know when we will get a phone
call for another placement, it teaches me to not hold on tightly to my plans. I
am learning to be flexible because when we have a placement most of my
previously made plans go out the window. I know this may sound like some people’s
worst nightmare, but I love that I am getting better at surrendering my plans
and not getting worked up about it when they fall through.
It made my one year old step up his game
Palmer has had a mild speech delay, but
after seeing other children call me mama he immediately started speaking (to
call me mama of course) just as we were getting ready to start him on some
speech therapy. A little competition may have done him some good? :)
Laying myself down
This is truly what I have loved the most- and
I often miss when we don’t have a placement. It’s hard to put into words but
having a child from the foster system in our home truly puts everything into
perspective. Because when a child who doesn’t have a home, or parents, and has
been neglected comes through the door- all of a sudden having a whiny one year
old and having some electrical issues with my car is not the big deal I
originally thought it was (and it doesn’t ruin my day as it would’ve before). The
small things in life have no effect on me anymore- whether someone was nice to
me or not, commented on my pictures or not, left me out from something or not,
etc, etc. All that becomes immaterial as I began to think outside of
myself and focus on the needs of a hurting little soul.
Wasn't sure how to wrap up this post and then I remembered this song 'Somewhere in the Middle' by Casting Crowns I heard this afternoon :) Could not find better words to share my thoughts as we try to figure out what we are called to do.
Fearless warriors in a picket fence,
Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end
And we are caught in the middle.
With eyes wide open to the differences-
the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His?
Or are we caught in the middle?
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