On Andrew's 9th Birthday

Every year on Andrew's birthday I've written a blog post about him. But this year is different... I don't really feel like writing or sharing much on how we're doing. It’s been a physically and emotionally exhausting week in our family for different reasons, and it would be much easier to curl up in my couch and not think about anything today.

However I know from experience if I don't take the time to remember him on this day, a great sadness takes over me. It is a subtle sadness and it lingers for days and weeks. I know how important it is to grieve and allow myself to be sad, especially on his birthday and the day he passed away. Because even though it’s been nine years I still think about Andrew every day.

Sometimes when I get caught up in the petty and temporary things, Andrew pops up in my mind as an ever present reminder of what’s really important. Of how blessed I am on this day to have health, a husband, and three healthy children. When I am tired and my kids are driving me crazy (and I want to throw up a white flag and quit on this whole mom thing) I remember the countless times I would’ve given anything to be a mom to Andrew. To be up in the middle of the night when he was sick, take care of him when he was clingy, or even deal with his temper tantrums and difficult days. Yes I longed for those hard days I didn’t get to have with him. And sometimes when I’m really struggling and my one year old refuses to sleep at night, I will silently mutter a ‘Thank you God that I get to stay up with her’ tonight.

Today we are going to take a walk on Bayshore as a family and then out to Outback. Bayshore was the very last walk Steve and I had before I went into labor with Andrew. And then that night we went out to Outback excited and in anticipation that Andrew would join us any moment! Both places remind of us Andrew and it will be nice to take the kids there today.

Thank you to those who have sent texts and notes today. It means a lot to us that he is remembered and loved even after all this time.