March of Dimes 5k

This past Saturday we walked in the 5K March of Dimes in memory of Andrew. I had been wanting to do a walk in his memory for quite some time (ever since he passed away), but I was not emotionally able to do it when I was pregnant with Jack. I am really glad that we were able to walk this year, and we even got to bring our baby boy Jack along with us!



We were blessed by having a cool morning, a nice breeze, and a beautiful view of bayshore as we walked along.


Walking along bayshore


Jack had a great time!


Uncle Brett and Jack

I wish there were more special ways to remember Andrew besides on his birthday (If anyone has any suggestions please let me know). This 5k was just a wonderful way to remember him and help other babies who are not well and in the NICU.

I don't want to forget that Andrew was in my womb for 9 months and alive for 10 days. Each day he seems farther and farther away from me. He was dearly loved, prayed for by many, and his life used for mighty purposes beyond my comprehension. And I say that because I still can't make sense of this tragedy and I don't think I ever will. I have tried speculating on many different theories (and believe me I have many!) but in this life I will never truly know as God knows...

"For your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are your ways my ways" declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" Isaiah 55: 8-9

And so I cling on to God's word in the bible and His promise to me that he is trustworthy and He loves Steve, Andrew, Jack, and me. My emotions often tell me otherwise and it is a struggle between the two (although it has been much easier since having Jack). I have certainly not walked the journey of grief perfectly as I would've liked.


This is the verse we chose for the back of the shirt.. I wish we could've included the entire verse but it was too long to fit in the shirt.

Thank you to those that came out to walk with us. And thank you to everyone who kindly made a donation in Andrew's memory. My prayer is that by having this walk every year it will be a time of fellowship with our family and friends. That it will be a time of praise and conversations that will bring glory to the Lord.

Motherhood

I just realized I have not posted any updates on Jack in a while, so here it goes...

Our little boy turned 7 months last Thursday and he is growing like a weed! I can't believe how big and strong he is by now. We have not had him weighed since he was 5 months old and I think he was 17 1/2 lbs back then. I would estimate he is 19 lbs now? I just look at his little feet and can't believe how big they are! and thankfully the chunky rolls on his thighs are still there (I was afraid they would go away when he started scooting, but thankfully they haven't).

About 2 weeks ago Jack really picked up on the crawling thing. He is able to get on all fours, rock back and forth, and he's even able to do the 'Downward Dog' yoga pose every now and then. If he wants to get somewhere he will crawl forward once and the plop down on the floor- he picks himself up right away and does that over and over until he gets to where he wants to go. He is quite the determined little fella!


Jack scooting around


His yoga pose

Jack loves to put anything he comes across into his mouth. And when there is nothing to put into his mouth, he will literally open his mouth and try to lick the floor! We have a big colorful mat we got at Sam's club which we've laid out in our green room. But now he is able to scoot on out of there and he quickly gets himself onto the hard floor which he loves to lick for some reason.

He has been eating solids for about a month and a half now. He loves sweet potatoes, carrots, and bananas. However the homemade organic squash that I lovingly made for him at home, he wants nothing to do with. He will close his mouth, grunt, or make a funny face and turn away from his food! He is at a point now where he lets us know when he likes or doesn't like something. His favorite thing to do is to grunt when he wants to be picked up or is bored of being in one place.


Eating his solids

He absolutely loves being outside and around people. I think he is quite the social little butterfly! Whenever we go grocery shopping he smiles at all the ladies that make a cute face at him. He also really flirts with the chinese people at the nail place close to our house! I don't go very often, but every other month or so to get a pedicure as a treat. This last Saturday we went and he could not stop smiling!

Jack also loves to play peekabo, hang by his feet (his favorite), and to be rolled around in his high chair around the kitchen. All these things get him to crack up which is the sweetest sound to my ears. He seems to have an adventurer spirit, which is going to be a challenge for me as a mom since I am all about safety.

Not everything is perfect in our lives though- there are times when we get frustrated, tired, and just don't understand what is going on with him. For example he stopped sleeping through the night when he turned 6 months and we're not sure why. We think its his teething (at least that is the only theory we've come up with). There are times when he gets very fussy and we have no idea what else we can do to make it better. He is also at a stage where he will wail if we step out of his sight even for a second... which I find endearing and annoying at the same time.

We are really enjoying this season of being Jack's parents. We dedicated him at our home church yesterday and it was such a wonderful day we've looked forward to for a long time! Here are some pictures from Sunday


During the baby dedication


A family picture... too bad my hair was doing a funky thing in the left side!


Posing in a picture with grandma

Thank you for twins!

About 3 months after Andrew passed away a friend gave me a copy of the World Wide Christian magazine. She had read an article about Molly Ann Mutz, an amazing little girl who went to be with Jesus after living for only 7 short days. I read a wonderful story of faith by Rebecca and Jacob Mutz which greatly encouraged me.

Rebecca (Molly’s mom) and I had very similar stories. We were both Christians. We were about the same age. We both had healthy pregnancies and did not expect anything to be wrong. We were both first-time moms. She gave birth to Molly June 13, 2008 and I had Andrew July 14, 2008.

And so we began to email each other and shared a lot on how we were feeling. It was wonderful to communicate with her. If anyone in the world understood my wide range of emotions, it was Rebecca! It was truly a blessing to have this friendship during this time. I felt a little less alone in the road I was walking.

Well in the spring of 2009 Rebecca told me she was pregnant! I was also about 10 weeks pregnant at the time, and Steve and I had decided not to share it with anyone until we got past that first trimester. But I was SO excited, I shared with her my news as well. I couldn’t believe it, both of us only about 6 weeks apart! It was very exciting. I knew it was going to be a difficult pregnancy and I was very VERY excited to be pregnant along with Rebecca. We likely would both struggle with fear and sorrow over our little ones in heaven.

Then on May 6, 2009 I opened an email from Rebecca titled ‘Please pray for us’. Initially I thought she was struggling with extra fear that day and was asking for prayer. My heart broke when I read in her email that at their 16 week appointment they did not find the heartbeat of her little one. I was so heartbroken and out of words. I left work crying and got down on my knees to pray for them that night. I could not imagine the sorrow they were going through again, specially with mother’s day on that weekend.

I spent the night at my friend Shelly’s that night and the sweetest little thing happened. I was sitting on the couch with Shelly and her daughter Winnie joined us. Now generally Winnie did not pay much attention to me. She usually ran to Steve and they would play and laugh together, but me.. well she was just not interested. Well that night Winnie snuggled with me in the couch (which was so odd), looked at me, pointed at my belly and said ‘baby?’. It just melted my heart!! I think she sensed how sad I was and wanted to love on me. I will always remember that sweet snuggle from Winnie. I don’t think she has snuggled that closely with me since then.

The following month Jake and Rebecca visited us in Tampa. We had planned the visit for a long time and had been excited to share in our pregnancies. Except now Rebecca wasn’t pregnant anymore and I had a big pregnant belly. I wasn’t sure how difficult it would be for them, but I must say that they visited with such grace. We were able to share a lot about Molly and Andrew and proudly shared pictures with each other. That day I clearly saw God’s grace over them carrying them through the darkest of valleys.

But today, today is a day of praise. Today Rebecca gave birth to twin beautiful baby girls! They are here safe and sound and healthy. I am so excited for them and word cannot describe the incredible amount of JOY for them! God’s grace over them has touched so many people. To think about all that they have been through these last few years simply leaves me in awe of their faith. I have learned a lot from my sweet friend Rebecca.

Thank you Lord for twins! Thank you for Piper and Lily Mutz!

My husband Steve

I wanted to share a few things about Steve that make him a wonderful husband and father. I thank the Lord every night as I fall asleep for choosing him to be my husband. To think that we met in a bar in Tallahassee underage drinking over 10 years ago... who would’ve thought?

1. He is a family man. Steve is very close to his family. This really hit me when we were first pregnant with Andrew and after every doctor’s appointment he would call his dad and mom to give them an update. I would only call my family if there was anything out of the ordinary and would update them periodically. Steve loves spending time with family and carrying on family traditions (which there are too many to write about here). I grew up far away from grandparents, uncles, cousins, etc so I am VERY thankful for my husband's big family and his love for them!

2. He is a great gift giver. He puts a lot of thought in the gifts gives. For our 4 year anniversary we put a maximum spending limit, and he figured out a way to give me a very special gift. He took the words from a Steven Curtis Chapman song "Go there with you" and framed them. Every time I looked at the thing I would cry. He also has given me a beautiful wooden jewerly box and a movado watch. He always comes up with original ideas.

3. He loves Chickafila!
He is one a first name basis with the manager of Chicafila next to his office. They are buddies!

When our best friend's daughter Winnie was about 2 yrs, and the Clarks would drive by a a chicafila restaurant she'd put her hands up in the air and ask for Steve. She associated every chicafila restaurant with him!

Uncle Brett gave us matching dad/son t-shirts which boldly say 'I love Chickafila'. We are planning on having Jack's 1 year old birthday at Chickafila, at which time they will wear their shirts and Jack will try chicken for the very first time. It was very important that Jack's first chicken should come from chicafila… yummy yummy honey mustard!

4. He washes the dishes. This one I have to give a big thanks to my father in law for. Steve is wonderful about washing dishes. He washes the dishes better than I would, and even dries them right away. I usually just quickly wash them and leave them out to dry… slacker me! Thank you Steve for loving me in this way.

5. He does not follow the crowd
My husband is not on facebook. This is despite the fact that his dad, mom, brother, sister, uncles, cousins, wife, and best friends are all on facebook. He has been peer-pressured many times (myself included) but he has stood strong.

He always wears his helmet whenever he plays softball. Now despite the fact that no one else in his team wears it (or even the league) and it looks kind of funny, Steve is very faithful about wearing it every time. In general he has never worried about impressing other people. And he has this gift of not letting things get to him, he is pretty easy going.

6. He can entertain a crowd. Steve can tell jokes in a crowd in a way that I can’t… I must say he gets this from his dad. He also loves having people over- the more, the merrier!

7. He is a wonderful father. Every night when we he gets home he takes over by playing with Jack and getting him ready for bed. This gives me a nice break to get dinner started! He tickles Jack in a way that gets him to crack up for a while, not just smile. He gives him a bath, and helps me wash all the bottles. He has always been involved with taking care of Jack with a loving servant heart.

Thank you Steve for being such a wonderful husband and father. If you are called to heaven one day sooner than I expect, the pain will be worth every wonderful memory I have with you. I love you so much and treasure each day I am given with you!